For several months I have been in the grips of a minor depression. The causes were mostly external and easy to identify. Of course even simple, “external” causes for depression are rooted in the jumbled mess of mind and soul and body and spirit that is engaged with the world and our God. Faith has been present but hope difficult.
While I felt no danger of becoming clinically depressed, my motivation to do things like write blog entries and respond to meaningful emails had fallen to zero. In order to not be a waste of oxygen I focused my energies on routine, superficial, or emotionally disengaged activities.
In the midst of my personal distress at the state of the world, we were all hit with the new rolling crisis that now envelops our lives.
Two days ago I began to wake up. All it took was the reading of an inspiring bio, which loosed a feeling that even in this difficult world, there are people who care enough to spend their lives trying to change it for the better. My soul latched on to this little ray of external reason to hope. So, at least for the moment, I’m feeling motivated again.
There continue to be grave injustices and difficulties that feel so far beyond our control, moving the world in a direction I wish it not to go. I don’t suddenly feel as if I have the power to overcome that momentum. I simply choose to ignore my powerless and act anyway.
I thought of that as I looked at a strawberry this morning. A month ago my beautiful wife and daughters gifted me with a strawberry plant for my birthday. They were told it was only ornamental, but behold, strawberries have appeared! The blessings that land the most solidly are those that were least expected.
5 thoughts on “The fickle nature of hope”
Be well, Stranger.
I hope you continue to feel this lightness of spirit and energy, Stranger. I wish for safety and good health for you, your family, friends, and neighbors.
Praise God for the strawberry! Thinking of you and your family and holding you in prayer during this time.
Hooray, what a relief (for us and you) that the sun has come out to shine again. What was the bio you read?